Broken
by 1832
Summary: She thought she was broken, so she hid herself beneath a pile of lies and mistakes.


_**I apologize in advanced for the amount of hetero sex in this chapter - subsequent chapters will feature more homo orientated endeavours. I've got chapter 2 written and it should be ready to post tomorrow. Enjoy! **_

Santana steadied herself on the sink, staring blankly into the bathroom mirror as she tried to focus her spinning vision. She couldn't tell if it was the dull, flickering light of the dingy bar's bathroom that was making her face take on a greyish sheen or if it was the combination of alcohol, drugs, and self-loathing coursing through her body.

"Probably both…" She drunkenly smirked to herself, supressing the pang of worry that was clawing at her lungs.

"Babe, are you nearly done in there?" A harsh knocking penetrated her cloudy thoughts as the slurred voice of the guy she'd be fucking later vibrated from the other side of the bathroom door.

"Yep." Santana's voice came out in a gravelly, pissed off hiss as she roughly wiped away at the smudges of mascara that lay under her eyes. She quickly downed the remnants of her triple vodka and coke before taking a final glance in the dirty bathroom mirror.

"Fucking mess…" She grabbed her purse from the sink and stumbled out of the bathroom, the loud pulsing of the bar's music adding to her already confused senses.

Clumsy hands grabbed her waist from behind, "I thought you'd got lost in there…" He mumbled into her hair as he placed heavy kisses onto her neck.

Santana turned into his touch, her dark eyes staring predatorily into his drunken ones. She pushed him roughly by his shoulders, causing his back to slam into the wall behind him and his eyes to glean with dumb lust. She pressed her body into his, her hands going to the back of his hair and roughly pulling his head to one side, before leaning closer to his ear and whispering, "Are you taking me back to your place, or what?"

The guy's hands returned to Santana's waist before travelling down to her ass and pulling her closer into him, "Your wish is my command."

Santana's hands fisted painfully tight in the back of the oblivious guy's hair, her teeth almost drawing blood as she bit into his lower lip. She smirked into the kiss – it was almost funny how easily guys could mistake disdain for lust.

* * *

><p>"Where do you keep your alcohol?" Santana pushed her way past the man who was fumbling with his keys in his apartment door. She stumbled her way into what she presumed to be the kitchen, going through the cupboards until she found a mostly empty bottle of rum. Rolling her eyes at the inch of liquid that lay at the bottom of the bottle, she unscrewed the top and quickly finished it. Blindly placing the empty bottle onto the kitchen counter, she stumbled back towards the sounds of the guy who was still slurring insults towards his apartment door.<p>

She pushed his fumbling hands to the side and twisted the key that was currently jammed in the lock harshly, causing a dull clicking sound before the keys easily slipped out from the lock.

"Oh, how d'ya do tha-" The man's slightly awed drunken question was cut off quickly as Santana pushed him against the wall, crushing her lips against his.

"Shut up and fuck me." The guy grinned goofily against the brunette's bruising kiss, before grabbing the thighs that were exposed by her tiny dress and lifting her up, simultaneously turning them round so she was now backed against the wall. His fingers gripped roughly at her toned flesh, and her shoulder blades dug harshly into the wall. "Fuck." She winced involuntarily, her mouth no longer engaged as the guys lips moved roughly against her neck.

"You like that, baby?"

* * *

><p>Santana lay underneath the guy, her eyes closed and her forehead slightly creased as she tried to figure out how she could make herself feel how normal girls should feel when they have a hot guy fucking them and telling them how amazing they are.<p>

"You're so fucking hot baby." The man panted into her neck as he continued to thrust into her.

Santana let out a fake moan, moving her hands up and down the muscly guys back. "Make me cum. I want you to make me cum." The brunette's voice sounded more like a plea than anything else, and she subconsciously moved her hands away from the broad, sticky, rough skin of his back and instead tangled them in her own hair.

"You feel so amazing, baby." The guy's rough lips moved against her neck. The brunette turned her face to the side, away from his harsh groans. She closed her eyes again, trying to focus on how good she should be feeling. Taking a steadying breath she tried to clear her mind.

She kept one hand tangled in her hair, feeling her nails lightly scratching against her scalp. As the man's thrust became more determined, so did the brunette's attempts to try and focus her mind on finding pleasure. She moved her free hand down to cover her breast, arching her back up slightly as she ghosted her hand over soft skin, pinching her nipple as a spark of something electric shot down to where the guy was still pumping erratically. She ignored the muffled ramblings that were spilling from his lips and instead moved her hand down to her clit, tightening her grip in her hair as she did so. Suddenly the image of blue eyes and the scent of strawberry shampoo shot through her thoughts, causing her eyes to flash open and immediately land on the guy whose face was now contorted in pleasure above her.

* * *

><p><em><span>2 months earlier<span>_

_"Salted or sweet?" Brittany shouted from the kitchen, as Santana sat on the floor in the lounge flicking through a box of DVDs._

_"Both!" Santana didn't look up from the pile of movies as Brittany padded back into the room, placing two bowls of popcorn down beside her as she joined the brunette on the floor._

_"That was fast?" Santana looked over to the blonde who was now chewing happily on some popcorn._

_"I'd already put them in the microwave when I asked you." Santana grinned at the other girl as she resumed flicking through the box of DVDs, "What are we watching?"_

_The brunette quickly flicked through the rest of the movies before holding two up. _

_"This -" she lifted up a well-worn _Finding Nemo_, "or this." In the other hand she held a copy of _Saw II.

_Brittany feigned deep thought before bounding forward and practically tackling Santana to the floor to grab the tattered copy of _Finding Nemo_. Santana laughed as she crawled over to slide the DVD into the player, looking backwards and smiling as she watched the blonde throw herself happily onto the large sofa._

* * *

><p><em>The two girls sat side by side surrounded by pillows and curled into the back of the sofa. Santana lifted her head from the blonde's shoulder and look at her with a quirked eyebrow and a grin. "Really, Brit? You've quoted every line from the movie for, hmm," the brunette faked contemplation, "twenty minutes now." <em>

_Brittany nudged the other girl lightly, "Just because you're jealous of my mad skills." Brittany's attempted accent only made the brunette laugh more, throwing a small handful of popcorn at her goofy friend. Brittany fixed Santana with a look of mock outrage, brushing the grains of popcorn from her shoulder in exaggerated sweeps. _

_The room was silent for a few fleeting seconds as Santana subconsciously switched her gaze between the blonde's eyes and the few grains of popcorn that remained on her skin, a grin still lingering on her lips as she waited for Brittany's next move. _

_She let of a mixture of a shriek and a laugh as the blonde pounced on her, mercilessly tickling any piece of skin she could get her hands on as Santana breathlessly laughed and pleaded beneath her. _

_"Okay, okay! I – I'm sorry!" Santana arched into the blonde as she tried to escape the fingers currently poking at her ribs._

_"Huh? You're what? I guess I must have popcorn in my ears or something…" Brittany grinned down at the brunette who was still breathlessly laughing and trying to capture her hands. The split second Brittany took to grin at the adorableness of her friend led to her abruptly landing on the floor with a soft thud, quickly followed by Santana landing on top of her with a startled shriek._

_"Oww, I think I just broke myself." Brittany groaned as she moved her arm out from under her back, wincing as her bones protested from the sudden transfer from sofa to hard floor. _

_Santana was splayed out on top of her friend, mumbling as she tried to pull herself upright, "Yeah, well –" The brunette was still trying to catch her breath, grinning again as she caught sight of the pout that was firmly fixed on the girl beneath her, "next time you decide to pounce on me just remember that this is usually how it ends up."_

_"What, with you straddling me?" The blonde grinned up at Santana, who couldn't help but smirk as she rolled her eyes. Her gaze was pulled away from bright blue orbs as she caught a trickle of blood running down the blonde's forehead. _

_"Oh my god, you're bleeding!" The brunette's voice was several octaves higher than usual as she sprang upright, ignoring the burn of her muscles. Brittany's body jumped slightly at the sudden loss of contact, attempting to scramble after the quickly retreating figure, "Stay there Brit, I'm getting the first aid kit." _

_Ignoring Santana's directions, the blonde sat upright, gingerly moving her hand to her forehead to inspect the source of the brunette's panic. _

_"It's nothing San! It's no worse than that time Lord Tubbington fell on me and got –"_

_"You're bleeding Brit, from your head. Your head is bleeding. That does not fall under the category of 'nothing'." Santana breezed back into the room, a concerned frown etched on her forehead as she crouched down to inspect the cut. Realistically she knew that it was nothing to worry about, but that didn't stop her unzipping the first aid kit and scrambling through it semi-frantically. _

_Brittany opened her mouth to protest, but instead let a grin pass over her lips as she watched the brunette frown with concentration as she read the back of a packet that Brittany was pretty sure was meant to be used as an arm sling. Deciding to leave the girl to it, she shifted her position slightly so her back was resting against the sofa and resigned herself to watching Santana mutter to herself in Spanish as she wrestled with trying to unwrap an antiseptic wipe._

* * *

><p>"Harder." Santana clamped her eyes shut as the man's nails clawed at her back, tilting her head back as he slammed into her.<p>

"I don't want to hurt –" The man panted in between thrusts, mildly confused as to why she seemed so intent on him hurting her whilst he was doing such a good job fucking her.

Santana bit down on his neck, the metallic taste of blood momentarily lingering on her lips before she roughly wiped it away with the back of her hand.

"FUCK! Why d'ya do th-" The guy was momentarily distracted from thrusting into the brunette as the harsh stinging in his neck registered.

Santana pressed her lips against the man's, once again placing one of his hands over her breast. She pulled away from the kiss and looked at his stupid, intoxicated eyes, slowly moving her hips and smirking at the cloud of lust that filled his gaze.

"I'll let you carry on fucking me as long as you do what I say. Okay?" The guy nodded dumbly as Santana continued to move her hips. "Now; harder."

The guy quickly started slamming back into the brunette, obediently remembering to drag his nails down the smooth skin of her back. Santana once again shut her eyes, focusing on the angry red marks that were forming on her back.

* * *

><p>Santana lay curled up on the edge of the man's bed, her eyes staring blankly at the alarm clock on his bedside cabinet: 4:08am. She had school tomorrow. She still had an essay for history to write. She was meant to have texted Brittany to remind her that they had Cheerios practice after school. The cool breeze from the open window drifted around the room, washing over the fresh marks that now littered her back. She reached around and gingerly touched one of them, retracting her hand and blankly inspecting the trace of red liquid that clung to her fingers.<p>

"I need some money for a cab." Santana didn't bother turning to look at the guy who lay stretched out on his back besides her.

Without waiting for a reply the brunette stood up, threw her clothes back on, grabbed the guy's wallet from his jeans pocket, took out $30 and walked from the room.

* * *

><p>"Here will do." Santana mumbled to the cab driver, throwing the $30 into his hand and stumbling out into the cool dawn air.<p>

She padded barefoot along the pavement until she reached the house, sneaking around the back and searching under the plant pot by the back door where a spare set of keys were always kept.

She silently trudged her way up stairs, closing her eyes and wincing as the bedroom door creaked slightly as she pushed it open.

The sunlight streamed into Brittany's room, revealing the sleeping girl lying outstretched on her bed, the duvet pushed down around her feet and her baggy pyjama top pushed up around her waist. Her chest rose and fell steadily with each light breath she took and one hand dangled limply off the bed.

"I'm sorry." Santana sighed as she ran her hand across her forehead, still sticky from a mixture of sweat and make up.

Without turning the lights on she made her way into the en-suite, only realising she had been holding her breath when she let out a low sigh as she turned the soft light of the bathroom on.

She reached behind the shower curtain and turned the water on, standing in her underwear as she waited for the water to heat up. She made her way towards the mirror that hung above the sink, wincing slightly as she saw what a mess she looked. Besides her makeup and the sickly grey tint her skin had taken, red bruises littered her neck and chest. Thank God it was winter and she was allowed to wear a jumper under her Cheerios uniform.

"What did you do to your back?" Santana spun around so fast she nearly lost her balance and had to grab the sink for support.

"Brit! I, uh, I didn't mean to wake you. Go back to sleep, we've still got a few hours before we need to be up for school." Santana tried to smile at the girl who was stood in the doorway of the bathroom.

Brittany's expression unsettled Santana – it was unreadable. Usually she could practically see into the blonde girl's thoughts with one look, but lately either Santana was getting worse at deciphering or Brittany was getting better at hiding.

"Why?" Santana knew what Brittany was asking. Why do you keep doing this; why do you keep hurting yourself, me – us.

The girls stood in silence. Brittany's gaze never left Santana's face, and Santana's never left the floor.

After a while Brittany sighed – a mixture of resignation and frustration. "The waters hot now."

Santana only moved her gaze away from the floor when she heard the blonde shut the door behind her.

When she finally came out of the bathroom, Santana was surprised to find Brittany had already left, despite it only being 6.30am. The Cheerios uniform she kept at Brittany's lay on the bed and a scribbled note lay crumpled on top of it:

"S,

I had to take for a walk. Try not to wake my parents when you leave – they're kinda pissed at you after they found that special cigarette you left in my room. Maybe it's best if you don't come round for a bit. I left you some cream for your back on the windowsill.

B x"

'Maybe it's best if you don't come round for a bit.' A sense of sick satisfaction accompanied the feeling of being punched in the stomach as she re-read that line. Well, she'd finally done it.

Santana threw on her uniform, ignored the tube of cream that lay in the window, stuffed her dirty clothes into a bag (accompanied with Brittany's pyjama top that 'accidentally' got thrown in as well), and quietly left the house.

* * *

><p><em>Half an hour and several bandages later, Brittany sat cross-legged on the floor as Santana knelt in front of her, placing the last bit of tape over the excessively large bandage that now covered her forehead. <em>

_"And you're sure you don't feel dizzy?" Santana punctuated the question with a final piece of tape before pulling back slightly to search Brittany's eyes._

_"I'm fine San, seriously. No dizziness, no shortage of breath, no palpitations… which is kinda surprising due to the fact I've had your boobs in my face for the past half an hour." Brittany grinned and tried to dodge the light hit that Santana aimed at her arm._

_"Hey, people would pay good money for that you know. I'm only letting you off 'cus you're injured." Santana replied distractedly, her eyebrow raised slightly as she once again inspected the blonde's forehead and decided she should probably stick another piece of tape over the bandage… just in case. _

_"San, you've used like, half of the roll up. I really don't think the bandage is going anywhere in a hurry." Brittany rolled her eyes but couldn't help smiling at the brunette's overprotectiveness. _

_"Yeah, well, when you stop using your head as a landing mat," Santana ripped off a piece of tape with her teeth, "I'll stop being your overprotective personal nurse." She leant back slightly to inspect her handy work, smoothing down the ends of the tape._

_"Right, you're all finished." Santana instinctually leant forward and placed a soft kiss on top of the blonde's bandaged forehead. Her lips only brushed against the white bandage for a second, but the ease with which the intimate action came caused her to stall as she pulled back slightly, her brow creasing with confusion at how natural and, well, _nice_ it had felt._

_Brittany, who was much more used to following her instincts over her head, felt the brunette freeze with her lips still millimetres from her skin. _

_"S?" Brittany's voice was only a whisper but it had the desired effect as the brunette pulled back slightly, causing confused brown orbs to meet curious blue ones. Brittany dropped her gaze to Santana's mouth, watching as her white teeth self-consciously bit softly into her lower lip. _

_She watched as a mixture of confusion, curiosity, and vulnerability played across Santana's face before she gave a barely imperceptible nod. That was all the encouragement Brittany needed before leaning forward to close the small gap between them and placing a soft kiss on Santana's slightly parted lips, only letting them linger for a second before pulling back._

_Santana's brow was still creased but her eyes had drifted shut and remained that way even when Brittany's lips no longer held her own. _

_"Please don't stop." A barely audible whisper left Santana's lips, her eyes still shut and her brow still furrowed. Brittany wanted nothing more than to remove the confusion now etched on the brunette's face, so she lifted her own slightly trembling hands to Santana's face and gently brushed her thumbs across the creases on her forehead. She placed a series of soft kisses in a path from her forehead, to the tip of her nose, and eventually reached soft lips that after a few seconds finally kissed back with an urgency that came from not knowing if they'd ever be allowed to do so again._


End file.
